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How To Get Over Pregnancy Loss

Oh hey everybody. This week on Ask CristenI’m talking about pregnancy loss and infertility which are two things we don’t talk aboutnearly enough. This week’s Ask Cristen questions actuallycame in response to a tutorial I made this time last year about how Mother’s Day can bea difficult time for people who grew up say without a mom or in kind of a ‘Mommy Dearest’situation or just with a generally difficult woman who is particularly manipulative evenon days that are supposedly all about her. For the record I’m not talking about myown mom. Nance is a champ. Bell chimes. In those tutorial comments I got a lot of requeststo talk about infertility, miscarriage and

related issues because those can also makeMother’s Day or Father’s Day a really tough time for people who are struggling tobecome parents or to become parents to another child. Plain Jac asked, ‘Could you pleasedo a tutorial on the stigma about infertility? I am going through the in vitro fertilizationprocess and find it hard to talk about it because I am so young no one believes I actuallyhave a problem.’ Catherine Barclay also asked, ‘Please do a tutorial about not beingable to have kids! I don’t think I will be able to have children, not because of infertilitybut because I have huge mental health problems.’ A lot of people probably don’t know that1020% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage.

Or that up to 25% of couples around the worlddeal with infertility whether it’s difficulty conceiving their first or second child. Theseissues can be really challenging and these issues are often privately dealt with becauseagain it’s something that isn’t polite to talk about. I can’t speak firsthand tothese issues so for that reason I wanted to share some of the letters that my Stuff MomNever Told You cohost Caroline and I received in response to an episode that we did on infertilityand miscarriage because in no way can statistics convey the psychological and emotional experienceof what this is like. Beth wrote, ‘To make a long story short my husband and I were diagnosedwith ‘unexplained infertility’ about 18

months into our deliberate efforts to getpregnant. Thanks to the journey of infertiligy I believe I will be better off for the restof my life. As you said in your podcast infertility is often a diagnosis people take on in silence.Since the birth of my son I have made a personal commitment to fearlessly talk about my experience.My hope is that by doing this I can help one woman at least feel less alone.’ Karen wrote,‘My daughter is infertile. It was discovered at the age of 16 when she hasn’t started mensruatingthat she has no uterus due to a birth defect. Just wanted your listeners to know there areother types of infertility out there. Let’s not forget those who have lost a uterus tocancer or traumatic abdominal injury, or a

tiny glitch in neural tube development beforetheir first breath.’ Becky wrote, ‘My husband and I have been going through infertilityfor over a year and a half. Through that time I’ve felt very invisible a lot of times. Hearingyour podcast felt so refreshing. It even brought me to tears! This process has been so rough,it felt so good to not be invisible.’ Jeremy wrote in sharing the experience of his son’sdeath after a preterm delivery. ‘Since our son’s loss we have continued to try withoutsuccess. Over the years we have endured numerous expensive, invasive, painful, and demoralizingfertility treatments and my wife is forced to bear the brunt of it. You are both so rightabout how infertility is often considered

a woman’s issue when in reality infertilitycan be caused by either partner and the psychological effects of infertility affect both men andwomen. I have shed so many tears over our son’s loss and our inability to conceive thatit would be impossible to count the number of times I’ve cried. I have been very openabout our loss since it happened and the length of our struggle to conceive in an effort tospread awareness, to start these conversations that need to happen.’ Liz wrote, ‘I’vebeen dealing with infertility for about 2 years now. It is sad that it is such a shamefuland taboo topic. I do not think it should be a disability because like you said thatshould not define us. Here’s to the hope of

Signs of a Miscarriage Before You Know You Are Pregnant

I’d like to know the signs of a miscarriagebefore you know you are pregnant. If your period is late, it is as likely tobe due to stress about trying to get pregnant as getting pregnant and losing it. That’s not helping me with the stress. The only sure sign of miscarriage before youotherwise knew you were pregnant was taking pregnancy tests every day, getting a positiveresult and then getting negative ones. Pregnancy tests can be wrong. Pregnancy tests are more likely to say youare not pregnant due to low hormones than

say you are pregnant when you are not. That’s why the tests have the control strip. If the control strip does not change color,you missed the strip when peeing on it. If the test strip changes color without the controlstrip, try another test. I want to know the signs of a miscarriagebefore I’ve used up ten pregnancy tests. One possible sign of early miscarriage isyour period being late. That’s especially true if the period is late by two or threeweeks, versus a couple of days. Because being late a couple of days couldbe due to a diet or personal stress, whereas

a couple weeks usually means something elseis going on. One sign of a miscarriage is the sudden onsetof sensitivity to various smells and food aversions that end when your period starts. Also known as, you were about to have morningsickness, but once you miscarried, it is over. Another sign of early miscarriage is thatyou develop a stomach bug and morning sickness that goes away when your period starts. A severe illness can delay your period. Yes, it can, but this will be a case of theillness ending suddenly when the period starts,

instead of throwing up for a week and yourperiod starting in three weeks instead of one and a half. You’re not giving me much to go on but symptomsthat could be other things. This is why the half of all miscarriages thathappen really early in a pregnancy were not even known; until we had women tracking pregnancyfrom conception to loss, we did not realize it was so high. I thought it was a result of fertility treatments. Well yes, they did track every implantationattempt to see if it took and noticed a lot

ended in the first weeks. But if your periodis late by a month, that’s a likely sign you had an early miscarriage. Hearing that it is common does not make mefeel better. So blame the late period on the stress oftrying to get pregnant and have a spa day to relax so it does not happen again.

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